Too Little, Too Late

An essay by James A Graves, Jr.

I recently read an anonymous Facebook post from someone who described events on the day of their mother’s funeral.

"My parents were married for 55 years,” the person wrote. That night, after the funeral, their dad insisted on going to the cemetery at 11pm. He prayed over her grave by flashlight. Then he stated that he was glad she went first, avoiding losing him and suffering the loneliness of his absence.

“I’ll take that burden,” he explained, “because I love her too much to let her endure it.”

Then he hugged them and said, “It’s okay. We can go home. It’s been a good day.”

The person concluded, “That night, I understood the essence of true love. It’s not just about romance or physical attraction. True love is found in shared struggles, unwavering care, forgiveness, and the bond of two people deeply committed to one another. Love like this leaves a mark on the soul forever.”

I wish that the author had not been unknown. I would like to have thanked them for the touching story, and, more importantly, for a moment of long-sought clarity about my life. Concerning the subject of love and romantic relationships, I have searched my soul trying to answer why, despite two failed marriages and several failed romantic relationships, I’ve never found true love.

I recall watching an episode of Wagon Train on TV some years ago. Actually, I was just half-watching the show until the wagon master began a monologue about relationships. At that moment, the show had my full attention. The monologue was well-written and perfectly portrayed. He described the concept of enduring friendship and the divine blessing of true love. I wish I had written it down, because it produced in me an understanding of relationships that had previously escaped me.

Much like the conclusion that the unknown author summarized after the precious family moment with their dad at the cemetery, I kinda get it now. But I’m profoundly embarrassed to admit how long it has taken me to understand such a simple human emotion as friendship and the basic life concept of love. Rather late in the day as it were.

If you pay attention to statistics, I’ve just about played out the string – according to a December 2024 report from the Bloomberg American Health Initiative at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, men living in the U.S. today have a life expectancy of 75.9 years. I’ll turn 74 pretty soon. That’s kinda like learning about the most delicious fish in the sea that you’ve never had an opportunity to taste right after hearing the announcement declaring that fish species officially extinct. Just a tad late.

Being a huge fan of Science Fiction, throughout my life I’ve often wished that time travel was possible. My wish was always self-serving. I want to go back in time. I have a list of do-overs to accomplish. Aside from buying certain stocks, most of my do-overs concern my relationships. Things I’ve said and done that I’d very much like to un-say and un-do. But mostly, I’d like to experience the “essence of true love”. The kind of love that “leaves a mark on the soul forever”.

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