Experience

An Essay by James A Graves, Jr.

Experience is an inescapable part of living. Experience cannot be taught, it must be lived. One of the definitions of experience is the old saying, "You can't know a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes."

I’m unable to find who said it, but it is a profound statement, and suggests keeping your mouth shut until you know for certain whom you are criticizing.

I have the utmost respect and admiration for the elderly. And I believe respect has to be earned. I’ve known elderly folks whose life accomplishments not only earned, but demanded, my respect. But my admiration and respect originated from observation and discernment, which doesn’t translate to understanding based on experience.

And so the clock ticked, the years flew by and suddenly I found myself counted among the elderly. With that realization comes understanding, like it or not. Life passes in such a whirlwind that age sneaks up on you. It’s like falling into the ocean, you’re forced to learn about the taste of salt water.

Yesterday you were young, today you’re not. You not only miss your youth, you feel the loss. You see the results and it’s unpleasant. You look back and realize that life didn’t turn out anything like you hoped or expected. You think about the many paths not taken and those thoughts bring memories tinged with regret.

Looking forward, the doubts are palpable, so real in fact that you wonder if you will continue encountering forks in the road ahead and taking the wrong path each time. After all, you’ve followed that trend thus far. Unfortunately, hind sight is always 20/20.

Almost without realizing, you’ve come to understand what it is to grow old. Sadly the retirement that you so looked forward to becomes a penalty rather than a blessing. Your plans for adventures, like camping trips and long scenic hikes in faraway picturesque places are suddenly cancelled, without your permission, due to health issues or financial concerns.

You find yourself without a mate. Romantic dinners and quiet meals once shared are now reduced to a solitary meal with the TV. A hearty appetite looking forward to a delicious meal has been replaced with the necessity, but not the desire, of eating yet another meal alone.

There is a welcomed peace and quiet that solitude brings, but there is no denying that life would be much more fulfilled by a sweet, sleepy morning hug and easy conversation shared over a cup of fresh brewed coffee to welcome each new day.

Deep in the night you reach across the bed for the loving reassurance that your mate is there, only to find an empty place, and you remember that the new pillow you recently bought was, after all, just for decoration. Loneliness, you reluctantly come to realize, is now your constant companion.

Recalling the hectic days of raising children and watching them grow are now even more cherished because your children are grown and have their own busy lives. Unfortunately, that leaves very little time for you. Suddenly, knowing that your family elders are gone, you realize that you have involuntarily replaced them.

Old friends from high school and college, now scattered to the four winds, disappear one by one, surrendering to time and inevitable age, making you feel even more isolated. You come to the realization that you are too familiar with the issues involved with aging, and begin to understand why the elderly sometimes lose the desire to live and just give up.

Our lives are planned and sculpted by God. Our life belongs to God and we have no right to choose the ending, but it seems entirely unfair that the final years of a long life should be the most difficult part of the journey. We will all eventually reach that point in our life when God stops giving and starts taking away, but why must the joy of living be stolen before we come to that inevitable ending?

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